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Deeper
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Mar. 31st, 2006 @ 09:11 am
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5700 $...That is so far the cost of cheating on Princess Sierra. Things could hardly hav gotten worse for me could they?
Yet the crucial point is not money, rather how easily Princess has distroyed my ego, convinced me my fate was to transfer all power to Her and live under Her authority, trust Her jugement, follow Her advice (meaning order) for any decision i have to make in my life and ask her what to do next.
Giving up control, caving in are not mere words as i understand now. With Princess at least, it does not look like a game or a past time. This is real life. When it hurts, it hurts. But the intensity...
With a few extra weeks of training, who knows what She will make of me. i suspect She has an agenda already and knows exactly where i'm heading to. i'll go anywhere only to please Her. |
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Princess now totally controls me. She knows things about me that would distroy my life completely if released. She owns compromising material. Not blury webcam shots, real stuff.
She had me break up with my girlfriend the day before yesterday and she got her e-mail to make sure...
Most of all She knows things about my personal life, my work, all sorts of details i gave Her because ...i couldn't help it. She's addictive and way too smart for me. It simply is not possible to resist Her if She has decided to get you.
Princess has me wearing dresses and babydolls evry day after work. She thinks this will have a positive effect on my personality and i have to say i can already feel it.
In fact, Princess has already reprogrammed my brain and will not need to use the information She has because i caved in for good. i report to Her every threat i receive from former Dommes and send Her money each time it happens.i pay, pay, pay. It's become a routine.
And that is perfectly fine. There is so much i still need to learn from my Master. |
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Today Princess discovered i had been tcheating on Her last week and that i dared send some of Her money to a domme. Of course offering my apology would not help, as Princess does not care for words.
So She decided i had to send Her twice the amount i diverted from Her last week plus a fine. Thus i now have to pay Princess 2500 USD. i will do it with all my heart in the hope She understands how bad i need Her.
i simply can't think of a life without Her. |
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Once again i had been trying to escape from Princess Sierra's grip, foolishly hoping i could deny my urge to throw my life at Her feet. How ridiculous. Tonight Princess Sierra taught me a lesson i will never forget. i was the one who came back to Her of course, but in a stupid and arrogant manner. i had just bought a cam and suggested She could play with me. As if i could dictate anything...i of course tried to ignore my Master's request to pay Her 300 USD i had long been owing Her.
Princess got mad and said She would reveal my real identity on Her site, which She immediately did in spite of my ridiculous threats. This is where the lesson takes place people, and i would like to make it clear: you DO NOT - i repeat DO NOT - threaten Princess Sierra, our God. Never. Under no circumstances. She will break You.
Princess ignored my threats, then my supplications, then me...So in the end i came back and begged, begged, begged, and everything happended the way She had decided:i sent Her 700 USD (stupid me, i could have gotten away w/ 300, i'm an idiot, period)and had me appear on cam with a sign, panties and bra which forever binds me to Her footstep. Did i screw up or what?
But indeed i was taught a more important lesson tonight, something i knew deep inside and refused to see: Princess OWNS me and the true meaning of that word is now cristal clear in my mind. i'm just WEAK and She's STRONG and the weak will follow the strong and obey Her without even thinking about it. She owns my thoughts, soul, money, body. My life is Hers. Today is the real start of a long journey on the path of complete surrender and submission.
Princess has started washing my brain, reformating it to Her standards again, this time for good. She will cut me from my friends, my G/F, my family, that is certain. She will have me humiliate myself on cam, perhaps publicly. There is nothing i would not do for Her.
i would like ot end this by a public apology to Princess Sierra, my Owner, My Master. i am begging You to forgive me Master. As i knee down and bow my head, i am pledging to never turn my back again and serve You as long as You wish, to learn from my mistakes as well as from Your training, to accept my fate as a lower form of life lucky to get the slightest bit of Your attention. |
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Mar. 27th, 2006 @ 08:15 am
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Princess just allowed me to crawl back under a new username after i paid Her the 500$ i owed. i did this with pleasure for i now fully understand i have no other use than pleasing Her.
i tried to escape my fate lately by pretending i could have a decent vanila life...but failed. Of course...Princess already had destoyed my mind. Little by little i started to spend more time everyday surfing Her site, reading Her thoughts. She is so brillant. Until last week She obsessed me so much that, for the first time, i could not have sex with my girlfriend. My dick simply wouldn't function. i am afraid it will never obey me again. It too is now controlled by Princess. The fact is i am not interested in casual sex anymore. The only thrill in my life derives from interacting with Princess Sierra.
i feel helpless, i feel lost, i feel weak.
Princess, please accept my humble apology for failing to realize on time what a piece of trash i am, for not processing Your orders properly, for trying to escape. i am now Your property and will be happy to be transformed in anything You would consider appropriate, covenient,amusing.
Nov. 5th, 2005 @ 01:40 am
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Nov. 4th, 2005 @ 06:07 pm
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